Mother of East student sends concerned email about schedule mix-up
August 30, 2010 • written by Gina Villecco ('11)/ Eastside Humor Editor
Filed under Humor
Yesterday at 10:51 a.m Francine Quinton, 49, sent a very concerned email to guidance counselor Ravine Brady, 53, about her son, Marcus Quinton (’13), and his schedule. According to the email, “Marcus signed up for Cooking, but in return he got Computer Graphics,” wrote Francine. The... Read more »
Xenomorph Infestation at East
June 27, 2010 • written by Jake Trommer ('11)/Humor Editor
Filed under Humor
Haylee Kline (’13) unwittingly unleashed an extraterrestrial life form of unknown origin that had taken up residence in the bowels of D-wing when it sprang out of the ceiling and attached itself to her face. “Mmf! Grfff! Mmmmh,” said Kline. The alien, which resembled a large spider with a tail,... Read more »
Things that suck
June 7, 2010 • written by Jack Pinsky ('10)/ For Eastside
Filed under Humor
This advice column will ensure that the public remains safe from various evils in our hectic world. In these articles, I confront the ultimate problems facing everyday human existence with unyielding scrutiny. Be warned… you will laugh. Perhaps even cackle. That, my friends, is the goal in writing... Read more »
The Nicolle and Zach Show tackles Disney World
April 22, 2010 • written by The Nicolle and Zach Show Staff
Filed under Humor, Radio
Double guests Jared Widman (’10) and Marissa Goldberg (’10) sit in on the fourth installment of the Nicolle and Zach show. Ah, the memories of the Senior trip and what they brought to this class. 4/20 and anger are other honorable mentions. http://www.podcastrevolution.com/viewpodcast.php?pid=939 SHARETHIS.addEntry({... Read more »
Zach and Nicolle Show tackles whales
March 19, 2010 • written by Nicolle Rochino ('10)/ Eastside Art Director, Zach Schwartz ('10)/ Eastside Humor Editor and Brooke Weiss ('10)/ Eastside News/Features Editor [Edited by Autreen Rahbari ('10)/ Eastside Radio Manager]
Filed under Humor, Radio
Brooke Weiss (’10) guest stars to discuss scary kids movies, killer whales, justice and monkeys, amongst other things. Even Autreen Rahbari (’10) pipes in every once in awhile. http://www.podcastrevolution.com/viewpodcast.php?pid=939 SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Zach and Nicolle Show... Read more »
Student takes gym sports seriously
March 5, 2010 • written by Gina Villecco ('11)/ Eastside Staff
Filed under Humor, Uncategorized
George B. Johnson (’10) is the man with a plan; a game plan that is. Floor hockey, a familiar old gym sport, is now on the rise to becoming as big as college football and basketball all thanks to Johnson. “I’ve always like to explore the unknown, you know?” Said Johnson, “When I stepped... Read more »
Local man confused by concept of leap year
March 1, 2010 • written by Zach Schwartz ('10)/ Eastside Humor Editor
Filed under Humor
An Area man has entered a depression, caused mainly by confusion over the concept of leap years as well as the month of February in general. Noah Marlin, 47, pondered February’s twenty-eight days compared to the rest of the calendar year for nearly all of his life, much to the annoyance of coworkers, who... Read more »
Nicolle and Zach show officially debuts online
February 7, 2010 • written by Nicolle Rochino ('10)/ Eastside Art Director, Zach Schwartz ('10)/ Eastside Humor Editor ('10) and Alex Krefetz ('10)/ Eastside Staff. [Edited by Autreen Rahbari ('10)/ Eastside Radio Manager]
Filed under Humor, Radio
http://www.podcastrevolution.com/viewpodcast.php?pid=939 The arbitrary and adorable musings of Zach Schwartz and Nicolle Rochino are a different kind of stroke of life. Episode Summary: Napkins, Fifa, clothing and explosions. Just another day. Guest Starring: Alex Krefetz (’10) SHARETHIS.addEntry({... Read more »
Bus driver deliberately late on testing days
January 27, 2010 • written by Andrew Huff ('10/ Eastside Humor Editor
Filed under Humor
Cherry Hill bus driver Cynthia Swift, 47, was charged with two counts of reckless endangerment of grade point averages yesterday morning. A jury sentenced her to 1 year of administering East math contests, alone. Swift plead not guilty to purposely arriving late to every stop on her 15-minute route whenever... Read more »
The Zach and Nicolle Show: A Sneak Preview
January 11, 2010 • written by Nicolle Rochino ('10), Zach Schwartz ('10) and Autreen Rahbari ('10)/ Eastside Art Director, Humor Editor and Radio Manager
Filed under Humor, Radio
Zach Schwartz (’10) and Nicolle Rochino (’10) are gearing up for a new show that is sure to be filled with exciting moments and memorable guests. In the meantime, check out a sneak preview of the two discussing the holidays, Bop-it and other relevant topics: http://www.podcastrevolution.com/viewpodcast.php?pid=939 SHARETHIS.addEntry({... Read more »
Spirit week cut to spirit minute
December 15, 2009 • written by Jason Cominetto ('10)/ Eastside Underground Editor
Filed under Humor
Spirit week was another rousing success this year, with the seniors pulling off the first win for a graduating class in the school’s history. Despite the unprecedented victory of the senior class there is already talk for drastic changes to occur to the beloved East tradition next year, including a... Read more »
East student learns chemistry from word search
December 15, 2009 • written by Emily Hsu ('12)/ For Eastside
Filed under Humor
Recently, East administrators have noticed a slight increase in students’ testing averages in subjects related to science. Upon looking for the source of this increase, they found that one student in particular, Waldo Wallington (’13), has made remarkable improvement. Investigations report that... Read more »
King Markowitz posts decree on field trips
December 12, 2009 • written by Steven Markowitz ('10)/ Eastside Underground Editor
Filed under Humor
I, King Markowitz, voted for by you, the good people of East, find it my responsibility to create new laws to improve my kingdom of Cherry Hill High School East. My first law shall be that every class, academic or elective, be required to go on at least three field trips per year. Field trips are an... Read more »
Recycling scandal arises in Cherry Hill
December 12, 2009 • written by Rob Incollingo ('10)/ Eastside Editor-in-Chief
Filed under Humor
A truck collects recyclables in Vienna. Image courtesy of www.yorkblog.com A scandal involving the redemption of RecycleBank points through good recycling habits has arisen within the wealthy Cherry Hill neighborhood of Vienna, in which numerous residents have been accused of buying and immediately discarding... Read more »
Humor now appears in paper bag
October 14, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff ('10)/ Eastside Humor Editor, Meredith Medoway ('10)/ Eastside Entertainment Editor, Amanda Michelson ('10)/ Eastside Editor-in-Chief and Autreen Rahbari ('10)/ Eastside Radio Manager
Filed under Humor, Radio
The world’s most profound podcasting source, Paper Bag News, provides a source of straight news stories that combines with a level and unbiased discussion of news that will throw listeners into epiphany and ecstacy. Click here to listen: http://www.podcastrevolution.com/file/eastside/audio/Dupont.mp3 Click... Read more »
Thief Perspective
October 11, 2009 • written by Sherin Nassar ('13)
Filed under Humor
I have a secret to tell… I, Andrew H. Days, am the school thief. I cannot and must not let anyone else take credit – err, blame – for my stealing. It was I who stole Sarah Jean’s neck brace; I who stole John Caller’s chocolate birthday cake, and I have been the one stealing Mr. Deleon’s chalk…every... Read more »
Miracle in Mayes’ Backyard
October 8, 2009 • written by Prashasti Awadhiya (’12)
Filed under Humor
East student Brett Mayes (’11) was anointed a true Cherry Hill citizen when he discovered a batch of cherries growing under his mother’s shrubs last week. Mayes was chasing his squirrel when this phenomenon happened. “I was playing peek-a-boo with Billy, my squirrel, because it was one in the... Read more »
Alpacas Replace School Buses
October 8, 2009 • written by Adam Ritz ('10)
Filed under Humor
This year, our school has been doing all it can to reduce its environmental footprint, from implementing new eco friendly toilet paper dispensers to cutting down the amount of eco-savage appliances in the school. But now East has taken a drastic step towards the former. As of last week, the school’s... Read more »
Predatory Bird Abducts East Student
October 8, 2009 • written by Gina Villecco ('11)
Filed under Humor
At approximately 7:45 am on October 6, East student Donald Ronaldson (’13) was abducted by an excessively large red-tailed hawk. Students claim that in the weeks leading up to the abduction, the giant bird had been seen lurking around the school during the day, perching atop the flagpole, peering into... Read more »
Senior sues moon
August 14, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff ('10)/ Eastside Humor Editor
Filed under Humor
In an unprecedented legal maneuver, Cherry Hill resident Luna Smyth, age 94, has filed a civil suit against the moon. Smyth, who told reporters that her suit stems from “an unjust obscuring of the Perseid meteor shower that greatly dismantled my emotional stability,” has a well-known affinity for... Read more »
Pokémon invade Cherry Hill East
July 16, 2009 • written by Zach Schwartz ('10)/ Eastside Humor Editor
Filed under Humor
During the summer months, less maintenance is required to keep East up and running. Among other things, the school’s lawn is allowed to grow freely. A month’s worth of such neglect has led to a waist-high grass sprouting up around the school. And with tall grass come wild Pokémon. Much to the... Read more »
Spongy, Square, and Alive?
July 16, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff ('10)/ Eastside Humor Editor
Filed under Humor
Nearly ten years ago, a mystical creature burst the bubble of reality as the human race had known it, and cackled his way to the top of pop culture. Said to live within the confines of a tropical fruit fathoms below sea level, this porous creature has squeezed laughter out of stoic children with the... Read more »
“Slush Age” imminent
July 2, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff ('10)/ Eastside Humor Editor
Filed under Humor
Slurping up a slushy will never be the same. Finnish and New Guinean scientists in the North Pole studying the properties of glaciers and arctic water have made a startling discovery in relation to the multi-faceted substance. Project “Let’s Investigate Properties of Glaciers on Land or Somewhere... Read more »
Confused frosh forgets season
June 28, 2009 • written by Elana Perilstein ('10)/ Eastside Editorial Assistant
Filed under Humor
With the recent excitement of final exams ending, and school being out for the summer, some students are still in shock. One student in particular, Mikayla Forgotlot (’12), was beyond “in shock”. She couldn’t believe school was over. At least that was her explanation when she was found in school... Read more »
Senior perspective-Autreen Rahbari
June 4, 2009 • written by Autreen Rahbari (’10)
Filed under Humor
Senior year is everyone’s favorite year.It is the end of an old, stale life and the beginning of an exciting – soon to be – old, stale life; an era of crazy parties and plummeting test grades; a year that could be relived a thousand times but should probably be left alone to die in... Read more »
Senior perspective-Andrew Huff
June 4, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff ('10)/Eastside Staff
Filed under Humor
My grandmother always told me, “Betty, life can be explained with one simple object: prunes.” Granted, she also ate wild mushrooms from the front lawn, but I have taken her words to heart. Every morning, I rise with the troupe of wild squirrels by our front window, and splurge on a handful... Read more »
Senior citizen perspective-extended from print
June 4, 2009 • written by Caroline Babula (’09) / Eastside Entertainment Editor
Filed under Humor
I am in what you call the senescent stage of life. Yeah, you heard me – I’m old. But that’s okay. In fact, it’s swell. Because I’m many, many, many, many, many years older than you, a pretty good thing happens to me: the government pays me for still kickin’ it.My Social... Read more »
Rake-Man
June 2, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff ('10)/Eastside Staff
Filed under Humor
Streaks of shredded autumn leaves lay along Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C., the location of the fragmented remnants of an experiment gone wretchedly awry. Several months ago, Congress authorized a secretive science branch of the government, R.A.K.E to design a new system of collecting leaves... Read more »
Students eagerly await Twilight field trip
May 29, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff (’10)/Eastside Staff
Filed under Humor
School principal Ron O’Schmeeza announced over the Memorial Day Weekend that upon their return to school Tuesday, students will be preparing for an “epic field trip to the hub of the Twilight universe.”O’Schmeeza says he came up with the plan for a Twilight-themed field trip after... Read more »
Bi-weekly entertainment update
May 25, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff ('10)/Eastside Staff
Filed under Humor
On Wednesday night, the winner of the eighth season of American Idol was endowed with a less-than-suspenseful pause, before being named the winner, and hoards of sparkling confetti. While the elaborate celebration seemed to be for the voted-for-by-America Kris Allen, the truth is not so.Janice Schnook,... Read more »
David Brenners finds bug in house
May 12, 2009 • written by Zach Schwartz ('10)/Eastside Staff
Filed under Humor
Cherry Hill native David Brenners was horrified this mother’s day to find a “really big bug” living in his house. Brenners, who prides himself on an obsessive-compulsive cleanliness in his household, discovered a rather large bug of an indeterminable species living in his fireplace. “Well,... Read more »
US Military interested in freshmen
May 10, 2009 • written by Jake Trommer ('11)/For Eastside
Filed under Humor
Freshmen soon might find themselves in an even more terrifying place than high school: the battlefield. A study of how freshmen at Cherry High School East utilize echolocation to navigate the school’s corridors, which concluded that they are extremely effective at doing so, has caught the attention... Read more »
School colors changed to white and off-white
May 4, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff (’10)/Eastside Staff
Filed under Humor
In an effort to reduce the school’s ever increasing budget and to make school spirit more chic, Cherry Hill East has modified its school colors from white and red to white and off-white. Margaret Wilsonson, the school board spokeswoman, said, “Honestly, the school is so drab and hideous... Read more »
Twilight Update
April 25, 2009 • written by Andrew Huff ('10)/Eastside Staff
Filed under Humor
When Twilight the movie hit theaters in November, the public experienced a mild outpouring of rabid fans teeming with romantic fantasies about vampires and werewolves. This fandom has escalated to such a level that chief White House analysts are bracing for a civil war. A clear divide exists between... Read more »